tails gets gay: The dickfenders/Script

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  • Character count: ~6900
  • No spaces: ~6700
  • Character with most lines: Ronald (7)
  • Character(s) with least lines: Fluttershy, Skat, E. Gadd, Russ T., Toon Link, Garry, Sylvester (1)

Page 1

(The characters appear in a room similar to Spyro's in the Defenders' Base. A purple smoke fills the room.)

Gay KnucklesTails is such a natural! You was right Cheeto you silly dilly, why didn't you sooooo tell me? Like duh. Lets smoke some gay weed more often!

Gay Tailshahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!! Knuckles, you're like my best friend in the whole wide world!! HAahaHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(Gay Doug hugs Gay Spyro's dog.)

Gay DougOh my this dog is the cuttest thing i ever ever ever ever seen! OMG!! I just wanna squeeze it's little cheeks and nom nom on his cute little ears!

(Spyro winks with the text "Wink!" displayed.)

Gay SpyroYou're so good to my dog, you know what? you can come over and have sleep overs with him whenever you want to kay?

Gay Cheeto ManDat mutha lova is so darn good with him isn't he? I see, the love in the air man. Peace and love, don't you feel the love vibes? Don't you feel me?

(Tails, drawn with 3 Tails and a surprised face/arrow pointing it out, smokes from a penis shaped bong.)

Gay KnucklesAwwwee :) Look at Tails not sharing the dick bong, ok you can suck on it as much as your fluffy heart desires! OH OH OH! I have an idea! Lets give Tails his first make over!

(Doug makes a cat face.)

Gay DougBut we need the supplies silly, But i have the perfect super dooper awesome friend ever! He has all we need for a glamorous make over!

Gay Fluttershy Fabulous!

Gay SkatHii every bodeyyy!! I am so happy i can soooo help you with the make over! I still can't believe that you said he is a make over virgin! That so has to change duh! I have a friend to do his nails!

(The surprised face points out Gay Raptor's backwards-drawn hand.)

Gay RaptorOH-M-G!! I'm so that friend! Lets get this started girlfriends!

Gay TailsOMG OMG OMG! I'm so so so so so happy and filled with joy to get my first make over! You guys are the best in the whollllllleee world!!

NarroratorBack to Ronald

Gay RonaldI didn't mean to lick Tails in the cheek, i just couldn't help myself. he looked like a yummy snack.. It won't happen again i pwomise.

Gay KermitI still have to do the vivid bond, you aren't getting out of it again meanie!

Gay RonaldFineeee.. But i wanna go outside and pway, pweaseee?

Page 2

(Gay Kermit and Ronald kneel.)

Gay KermitOkie dookie Ronald, let's get on our knees! We are going to make your dreams come to life! Then we will have milk and cookies, then watch cartoons before nap time okay?

Gay Kermitnow think about your happy place, a place where all the coolest stuff ever! And i will make it come true!

(The two press their hands against each other.)

Gay KermitClose you're eyes and open your moth :D Hehe just kidding, you have to close your eyes though duhhh!

Gay RonaldOkay!! I'm so going to say sorry to Tails later for licking his face hehe.

Gay RonaldThink of happy stuff, clouds and, and, rainbozh.. And, and Sparkles.. And, and happy sunshine!

(The scene Ronald describes manifests itself, with a pink dragon flying in the background. Suddenly, Barney and Blues appear to welcome Ronald.)

Barney HEYYYY RONALD!! Yall wanna be my friend? Aww.. I heard you been a real bad boy, are you gonna be a good boy from now on? You gonna be a good boy?

Blues Bark!!

Gay RonaldBARNEY!!!!!!!!! YES!! I will be a good boy! i pwomise! Are we gonna pway? YAY!!!! This is the best day of my life!

(The trio skip away. The scene then fades to white.)


BarneyOkay! Let's to meet the teletubbies! I bet they have all kinds of toys we can play with!

(Gay Kermit appears worried.)

Gay KermitWhat's this white spot? Something's not right, he's too happy! If it keeps going at this rate he will jizz his undies.


Gay KermitLuckieeee! I wish i were as happy as Ronald right now grrr!! The meanie has to have all the super fun.

NarroratorBack to Mario

Gay MarioWill it sparkle brighter then a popstar's fruity tooty 100k jacket?

(Gay Toadsworth appears besides E. Gadd, flexing.)

Gay E. Gadd Yes Mario, it will sparkle brighter then a twilight vampire in full sunlight. Uhh-Sparkle-Sparkle.

Gay MarioGoodie! I will use this sparkle star to outshine Troll king, he will not win this years beauty pageant, flower dang it!

Gay Russ T. We gottaa sooo get your outfit ready for the pageant! I think we go with yellow and pink this year! OMG SO CUTE!!!

Page 3

Gay Toad Oh my god! Oh my god! OH MY FLIPPIN GOD!!! Marmar, to da io. Someone is like outside and stuff. And you can't believe what she tried to do!!!!! :O

Gay ToadShe tried to steal my cutie mc tootie hankie chiff. You should give her yours, because mine is too special. It was given to me by my ex best friends forever. Bf to da flippin f! Swaaaaggg.

(Gay Toad dramatically does the limp wrist gesture.)

Gay MarioMarko, Yolo. That's not yolo, that is uber unpretty. Toady woadie, I got this, it got this, don't worry, i, have, a spare hanky. Yolo. And it is the most prettiest hankie dankies of all time. It's made from pink sheep wool. Yolo.

Gay PoriI'm not here for a hankie wangie, i am here to tell you some just wonderful wonderful lovely wonderfully lovely news, it's just wonderful.

Gay PoriShadow is entering the beauty pageant, i know he won that year when your parents entered. And i'm so wonderfully sorry. I was hoping... If it's not to much to ask.... If.. You, want to hold hands? Teehee!

Gay MarioDang it Shadow! You won't win this years beauty pageant grr rawrrrr YOLO!! I have something, something so so awesomme this year, and, and like, it's not going to be stopped by poopie heads. I so have Michael Jackson's outfit, YOLO!!

(The Purple Toon Link suddenly appears with the Wind Waker and a wooden sword in hand. Pori pulls out a wooden sword and the two begin to play sword fight with each other.)

Gay PoriThat's niceeeee that's niceeeeee! I don't like being on just one side, i'm every one's friend :D Ouchie heehee stop it link! i might get a master splinter!

Gay Toon LinkBitch you know i look good! Poke Poke!


NarroratorBack to Troll King

(The Troll King holds up a set of anal beads.)

Gay Troll KingTake a break trav (ous) as in not (is) as (ous) but yeah take a break! I need for you to wax my ballz, it's your turn for these elegant, sensual and erotic anal beads.

Gay Travousmmmmmmmmmmm yessss shove them in there real good. No, just use both your fist. I'm a bird, so pluck my feathers you dirty dirty troll. Who's your bird bitch? I enjoy kissing your ass Sir.

Note: This scene is not actually drawn out

Gay Troll KingOh, so you enjoy it? That makes me feel wanted.. I haven't felt this way since i was making sweet love with my fat husband in the middle ages.. Thank you Trav(ous) My fist are yours forever my cute darling you.

Gay Blue-skinned troll Aww why can't we do another orgi Sir? I mean it's not like Trav(ous) put his arm in your like Luigi did lol Do you want a cookie before buttsex?

Gay AlexDanggg that sounds like so much fun... I have to focus on getting the words of life from smurf village, if i will ever be able to have that much fun!

Page 4

Gay AlexYour rain of jizz is over Troll King, I will win this years beauty pageants! And with my new found popularity, i will win votes to become the new, and awesomer, Troll King. OHHHHH I CAN'T WAITTTT!! SOO EXCITING!!!!

Gay Troll KingHmm... I don't know... I'm trying to watch my weight, and sweeties go to my ass. Mmmmmmmm Ok maybe just one. Is it chocolate?

(Gay Troll King pops the blue troll's head off, confetti spills everywhere. He then pulls a cookie from his neck hole/pussy.)

Gay TravousSir, you should so eat that cookie out of my poop hole. Just lick it out you dirty dirty troll whore you! Take a sheit on my chest! DO ITTTT!! DO ITTTT!!

NarroratorBack to Tails

(Doug, Knuckles, and Tails stand together with large amounts of lipstick applied to their lips. Tails has purple eyelids and long eyelashes.)

Gay KnucklesOhh wowie, Look at us.. We.. Look.... FINNNNEEE!!!! Pass that gay weed! We, need, tooooooo CELEBRATE!!!! YEAAAAHHH BOYYYY!!!

Gay TailsOh my god, you guys are the best friends evarrr!! I wanna make out with myself ;) Rawr, you look good Tails.

(Spyro, Skat, and Fluttershy appear with lipstick applied to their lips.)

Gay SpyroTails you're so pretty!! This is so goodass! I wish i could be like you!! You are the prettiest of them all!

(Likewise, Cheeto Man appears with lipstick.)

Gay Cheeto ManOh man, ohhh duuudeee... Ohh jesus.... Oh easter bunny... I can't see through these tined glasss. But i can feel your glamour vibes.. It's so vivid. It's so. soooooo.. Just sooo good.

Gay RaptorOH-M-G!! Holy fuck titties, that's gorgeousness to the maaaaaaaxx! I can't believe it turned out so welllll!! I so have a dino stiffy right about nowwww!

(The cast of the Dickfenders stand together, holding hands and smiling. A rainbow also appears. The gay ghosts of Garry, Sylvester, and the blue-skinned troll appear above.)

Gay GarryHoly Shit, you're all a bunch of FAGGOTS!! WOW!! Just fucking die Already..

Gay Blue-skinned troll I live to give, people cookies.. Out of my neck pussy.

Gay SylvesterWhy am i here? What the fuck is going on here?